It is with a very heavy heart that I announce my decision not to continue writing. I started reading fanfiction around 2012, not too long after reading the Twilight saga. I mostly read Bella/Jasper pairings and became such a fan of one certain author that I clicked on one of her Twilight crossovers with The Vampire Diaries. At the time, I had been unaware of the TV show and felt compelled to watch it because of that story. So I did, and my love of Damon Salvatore was instantaneous. What’s not to love, right?
I can be a snarky, sarcastic person at times and felt a connection with the character; so when a writing contest popped up in a group hosted by Kittyinaz, I felt inspired to write Reflections. I placed third in the contest and felt confident enough to continue writing. With Damon as a muse, it was wonderful to write about his & Bella’s adventures. I loved having a creative outlet. It was quite liberating to have my imagination spill out onto the screen as I typed away. I always wanted to write, but never once thought I’d do well at it. All of your lovely reviews told me otherwise, though. To this day, I smile when I read them.
It has been almost five years since I published that story and set up this page. In that time frame, I have met many wonderful people online; some of whom have inspired me beyond measure to be a better writer (and a better person). I’ve also had my heart broken more than once. Some of it is due to ugly complaints sent my way about unfinished stories, or snide comments made about certain scenes. Some of the heartbreak stems from a personal nature, and I have no desire to air my dirty laundry.
Five years has changed me as a person, too. Maybe its coming through the depression, or maybe its getting older. I don’t know for sure – I just know the woman I was when I started my writing journey is not who I am now. I feel a disconnect with the stories and I feel as though I can not capture the essence of the works I’ve left unfinished. To me, each one had their own distinctive personality. Believe me, I’ve tried writing since my last post in earnest, but usually just get a few paragraphs down. Then I sit and stare at that damn blinking cursor while my mind draws a complete blank. What I do have written isn’t even fit to be published. To be blunt – its shitty. I wrote better stories in third grade….
The fanfiction world itself has changed, as well. The newer readers coming along think “update now” is a review, or they send you little nasty-grams via PM’s if they don’t like how you wrote a chapter, or how they didn’t care for the the way a certain character was portrayed. Then, there are my favorites (insert sarcasm) where the reviewer tells you in explicit detail how they want the story to progress. Fanfiction is not a “Chose Your Own Adventure” story. Truly, if one can dedicate multiple paragraphs as to how they wish a story to go, then one can certainly write their own unique story. Its not to say suggestions and constructive criticisms weren’t welcome, because they were. They helped inspire me and be a better writer. But I will not condone people demanding what/how/when I write, nor will I tolerate a stranger’s verbal abuse. I have enough negativity in my life, thank you very much.
The decision to quit writing has not been an easy one. I’ve been mulling it over for the last month or so, after many futile efforts. Not only is the connection gone, but the passion I once had for it is gone – out the window. I won’t say that I’ll never write again, but it doesn’t look likely that I will. I know there are so many of you that do enjoy my stories and I apologize for letting you down by leaving them incomplete. Truthfully, I feel a bit disappointed in myself for not finishing the stories.
Saying goodbye is hard. Words will never be enough to express how much joy the kind reviews, support, and encouragement I’ve received throughout my time in the fanfiction world brought me. It was truly a pleasure to share what I have written with all of you. I wish each and every one of you the very best that life has to offer. Goodbye, my friends.